For most online daters, the point of sifting through endless profiles remains clear: They want a relationship with a future. Getting one, of course, may prove easier said than done, but for those approaching long-term commitment, thankfully, here’s how to map the course of your progression.
Undoubtedly the feel-good phase, but don’t forget: the honeymoon phase plays a key, bond-deepening role, too. It’s when we see a partner through rose-colored goggles, to be sure, before the sobriety of the later stages kick in, but that’s okay. The Honey Moon Phases provides the nurturing ground for a relationship’s deep, fertile roots, on top of which the less passionate phases unfold.
Oasis-like as it is, no honeymoon phase can last forever. A typical honeymoon period will extend anywhere from four months to two years, and ends with the sobering realization that your new relationship, not unlike your new partner, has flaws. Signs that the idealized lens of the honeymoon phase has lifted include a creeping irritation around your partner, bickery fights and a sobering realism about the relationship.
Once the honeymoon phase wanes, conflicts emerge, many of them healthy and even overdue, that the power struggle stage then resolves to settle. Though not as immediately gratifying as the honeymoon phase, keep in mind the value-aligning role thoughtfully resolved conflict can play, if done right. The emergence of conflicts reveals our partner in a different light, as well as whether or not certain humbler qualities offset the flashier ones on display throughout the honeymoon. Do they have what it takes, for example, to summon the willingness to apologize, even without being technically in the wrong?
Struggling for power sets in motion a delicate dance. Holding in sight the collective goal, of exchanging views in pursuit of reconciliation, not one-sided triumph, should never escape us. As quarrels arise and become more frequent, make a point of introducing debriefs, in which you review best practices for how to arrive at common understanding together, rather than compete, one versus one.
Per its name, the stability stage alleviates the turmoil of its precursor, re-setting the relationship on a pathway to peaceful coexistence. For survivors of a trying power struggle, its relative lack of conflict will come as a welcome relief. By retraining us to see our partnership as stable, a fixed entity in our life, the stability stage reorients the focus of the relationship away from present problems onto the future.
By emerging from the Power Struggle Phase, most successful partnerships learn to construe conflict resolution as an active, patient, and ongoing art. Conflict need not be actively bubbling over for partners to check in with each other, for example. Much of maintaining stability over time boils down to unflashy relationship virtues, like humility, as well as making little reach-outs a routine practice.
Following the gauntlet of stages one, two, and three, you and your partner have been exposed to the best and worst of each other, emerging the better for it. Now that commitment, that looming prospect, is a present fact, you’re able to take the leap concretely, knowing what’s to come. This makes the commitment phase a natural consummation of the joys of the honeymoon phase, the trials of power struggle, and the return to maintenance afterwards. This stage should be characterized by deep trust, abiding commitment, and excitement about joint future goals.
Striving for perfect symmetry of affection is a mistake, for any number of reasons, but mutuality is a commonsense barometer in any relationship. At the commitment phase, consider whether your partner’s behavioral indicators, what we might call their enacted commitment, matches up with their words. This reflects an important emotional parity in the relationship, with each partner invested, roughly, at equal levels.
Subsequent to commitment, the Bliss Stage reorients the relationship externally. Instead of working out internal matters, during the Bliss Stage the couple turns outward, onto the world. Co-creating together, as one cohesive unit, is the hallmark of The Bliss Stage, and the outcome can range from starting a family to moving in to shared business interests. It’s called the Bliss stage because couples connected over a mutual vision of the future experience the sense of purpose they share as blissful.
If you made it this far, our best tip is not to lose touch with what got you here in the first place, the routine check-ins and setting aside quality time. Going forward you’ll want more of the same, including applying a growth mindset to the relationship as it changes and evolves.
While the relationship stages are real, as psychologists will attest to, don’t fret if your progression doesn’t map neatly on to them. A healthy attitude recognizes the need for movement forward, loosely according to the 5 Stage Framework, while leaving the relationship room for its own course, full of twists and turns.
Part of the joy of embarking on a complex relationship with someone is the pursuit of the unknown. This is true in general, and as it relates to any timeline, the 5 Stages included. Be amenable to an open-minded attitude, at once happy for signs of growth as you are patient. Your partner may be more or less eager for forward progression; don’t pressure them for it.
Commonly we over-apply the diagnoses of psychology to ourselves, which can cause unnecessary anxiety. Therefore, take the relationship as it come, without undue pressure from theoretical frameworks. At the same time, use the 5 Stage guide to take stock, asking yourself whether you and your partner are relative to the model. If not, talk about it. Being on your own timeline is no cause for panic.
More so than progressing perfectly in step with The 5 Stage Model, what matters, most would agree, is a sense of the future. So long as this sense is shared, be grateful for what you have.
Amid a cluttered modern dating landscape, Tawkify stands out as a personalized matchmaking service. At Tawkify, in addition to matchmaking, we offer customized relationship coaching for support through the phases of your relationship journey. If you’re interested in a future-oriented relationship, read more here.
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