Even for the happily coupled, setting relationship goals provides a good excuse to check in about where the relationship is, and where, with some strategic tweaking, it might be, as we near the end of 2024.
Like any long-term undertaking requiring our investment, a healthy relationship requires routine care. And though your relationship may be unhampered by explicit problems now, it can still fall into complacency later, without thoughtful maintenance. Carving out space within your relationship for goal-setting, then, when you and your partner can reflect on the upcoming months together, is part of the regular praxis of a healthy relationship.
Although setting goals has a slightly kitschy ring to it, the actual process of setting time aside, sitting down, and reflecting with your partner has the clear benefit of deepening your bond. Any relationship, romantic, professional, or otherwise, thrives on a clearly defined purpose. Making a point of aligning expectations related to finances, say, can help prevent misunderstandings from going unaddressed.
Without defined goals, you run the risk of allowing mistaken assumptions to fester, misunderstandings to arise, and conflicts to grow worse than they might have been, had only they come up during dedicated goal-setting time. As a result, communication around a perceived misalignment may grow tense, or, for fear of exacerbating a pre-existing sensitivity, it may avoid certain touchy areas of disagreement. Rarely do partners align perfectly on all things, nor should they, but a known difference of opinion enables compromise and acceptance, whereas unknowns only amplify concern.
For some the top priority will be starting a family, for others creating memorable life experiences. But key is to conceive of your relationship goals, some shared, some not, as part of a positive-sum outcome. Within a loving atmosphere, characterized by goodwill and understanding, even differences in fundamental values can be bridged, even one buys into the process.
As the maxim goes, there is working, and then there is working smart. The same goes for relationships. Relationship goals that are SMART, a backronym for Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound, are more likely to yield the desired result of a happy couple than the exchange of vague abstractions. Try to ground your planning in attainable specifics. For example, if starting a family is on the horizon, where in the next five or ten years does that fall? Is it a top priority? A negotiable one? These are the kinds of specifics you’ll want to broach.
Balance Individual and Couple Goals
Not all features of a happy relationship concern the whole, so leave room for individual goals, too. Unlike codependent relationships, stable coupledown starts with two independent individuals, fulfilled in themselves, and proceeds from there. Maybe in the coming years one of you will take time off work to continue your education, limiting your travel budget; let that be known.
Improving Communication
It’s hard to overstate the role of active, intentional, and skilled communication in the health of any long-term relationship, especially given the inevitably of conflicts at one point or another. Generally communication is the limiting mechanism whereby we control damage before it worsens. As a tip, brainstorm active strategies for improving communication, such as affirmative verbiage and careful listening, rather than merely highlighting communication as an area in need.
Strengthening Emotional Intimacy
Setting healthy relationship goals can help bring more intentionality to your romantic partnership, but it should never become a chore. Never lose sight of what got you into the relationship in the first place, namely, the desire to spend time high-quality time together, enjoying good company.
Fostering Mutual Growth
In the way that fostering purpose at your job by adopting a growth mindset can introduce more meaning to your professional life, relationships premised on mutual commitment to individual development often feel more purposeful to each partner. Discovering new places together, via travel, can scratch the itch to learn, as can taking up new joint hobbies. Even embarking on a joint read can stimulate partners to talk in ways they might not otherwise.
Planning for the Future
Once you’re in a settled, long-term relationship, time to start planning! One of the joys of a future-oriented relationship is actually moving through the milestones you’ve imagined together. Moving in, marriage, starting a family: they’re all major life events, and events we derive pleasure in co-imagining with our partners. In a challenging period of life, it’s nice to be able to peer ahead at exciting plans on the horizon, as a reminder of what you’re working towards.
As a smaller goal within a larger set, make a point of checking in with your partner, bi-weekly if not more often. As with setting broad long-term goals, adopting short-term checkpoints can help alleviate major misalignments from arising, functioning like a tune-up.
Staying Accountable and Supportive
The enemy of goal-setting is the opposite, a relationship built on stasis and passivity. To ensure you meet your goals, structure them into your life. Delegate a time for check-in talks, and make a point of ensuring each talk begins and ends with purpose. Ask your partner: Are our goals still relevant? Is our commitment to future goals yielding a better present? If not, tweak your process.
Celebrating Milestones Together
As a final component of goal setting, take time to celebrate the wins. Attaining a shared milestone should be the culmination of a process characterized by joyous anticipation, not dutiful obligation. Even small achievements, a productive conversation, say, can be highlighted with a word of affirmation.
Handling Setbacks and Missteps
As in any worthwhile undertaking, setbacks are part of the process. Accept them, and learn from them as you do. Although misalignments early on can seem concerning, you’ll come to accept that not every goal can be shared, and that this is normal. Where you can, compromise, and where you can’t, prepare to explain yourself thoughtfully.
Seeking Help When Needed
You may not need to consult a therapist for goal-setting, but should you and your partner reach an impasse, there’s little to lose in considering the option. As experts, therapist can offer questions you may not have considered, as well as a space to practice goal-setting under experienced guidance.
If you’re in the dating market for a purpose-filled, intentional, future-oriented relationship, consider Tawkify, a personalized matchmaking service designed to help you find and nurture a fulfilling partnership. To learn more about Tawkfiy’s offerings, click here.
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